Hopeless Hashi Poem

I Know | A Hopeless Hashi Poem

by Nickolas Robison

A potential cause of Hashimotos is extreme stress the experts say.

Could I ask for a remedy, if I may? 

They look confused and shake their heads

and tell me I'll take life-long medicine instead.

So I wait and wait

week after week

losing my hair

feeling fatigue.

My stomach stops churning

Joints popping and burning

Nothing provides me relief.

Feeling distrust,

Every endo a bust.

And nobody knows..

But I know.

I know.

I shiver and shake 

Dry skin starts to flake.

Nothing feels healing

This disease keeps on stealing

My body and soul to forsake.

Tortuous pains that followed for months

The boundaries of suicide my mind confronts

How long must I endure this cycle of pain?!

Declining health leashes me like a ball and chain.

Pleading with the doctors to run more tests.

They laugh, grumble, refuse, and jest. 

Dismissing the severity because of my gender.

How could someone so "young" and masculine be so tender? 

If only I could trade a limb

they'd be able to see the pain I'm in.

But they don't. And they won't. 

Until if happens to them.

"It can't be severe.

Why did you come here?"

We'll never know.

But I know.

I know.

Isolation. Desolation. Declination

Of my mental health and hopes for restoration.

Forced to endure what feels like eternity

Under conditions less than satisfactory.

Like lifting Sisyphus' boulder up a hill

Ready to slip. Crush me completely. Kill.

Maybe the Reaper is more of a keeper

than people without care and goodwill.

Someday we'll know.

I'll know.

I know.

This disease has taken my career, relationships, and family whom I will never be able to speak with again. 

And nearly my life.

 Please advocate for better thyroid healthcare and procedures.

#ThyroidAwareness #Hashimoto #Graves #ThyroidCancer